“Greetings! And welcome to another edition of MasterPax Theatre! Today we have a wonderful selection from two of our finest producers, Sir Froderick and ChrisAre.
For a very limited time, we are offering this fantastic selection of fudge beats in a special one-time-only double-sided case-incased split cassette collection, entitled Proper Gentlemen! We handpicked only the richest butterscotch cassette tapes to bring you this glorious collection in beautiful hi-fi stereo sound.
Side A was collected by Sir Froderick and The Most Esteemed ChrisAre during a twenty-seven-year expedition into the Andes Mountains. Locals say you can still hear the pure mountain waters of Aconcagua flowing between kicks and snares. Our fine aural connoisseurs suggest a pairing with a strong
single malt scotch and soda, for a smooth yet robust taste:
14 parts single malt scotch
1 part soda
2 parts the blood of a virgin Dane
Garnish with the horn of black rhino. At the precipice of track 2 we suggest listeners swiftly waft a raw rib eye steak (not before tenderizing it of course!) and pour Worcestershire sauce into their riding boots. Rumor has it this method was used by Sir Froderick and ChrisAre themselves during long overnight treks to keep them alert.
Side B is said to have its origins in the Library of Alexandria itself. Sir Froderick and The Most Esteemed ChrisAre are said to have pulled their high hats directly from the rubble of the library walls. Our experts suggest pairing Side B with a swift hit to the kidneys dealt by a bull of Pamplona and swim to Gibralter.
1 part swift hit to the kidneys dealt by a bull of Pamplona
1 part swim to Gibralter
And do not be afraid to continue right on to Morocco after holidaying in Gibralter! Side B pairs gloriously with a plate of pastilla and a stew cooked right in the traditional tanjia. Of course in the event of a scuffle, Side B also serves as a fine coupling to a fearless flight from pursuers through the back streets of Marrakesh.
To ensure only the most right proper of gents receive this tape we’ve included a wonderful, hand sewn printed pocket square. Enjoy at your next wine mixer! At young Geoffrey’s university graduation! You’ll be the toast of this year’s Preakness Stakes!
We truly do hope you enjoy this offering. From our house to yours. Always, forever indebted, in the utmost regard, of the highest degree, to you: Our dear, treasured, supple and young friend, truly yours, Sir Froderick, ChrisAre, and the entire Paxico family.” – Paxico Records